So You Want A Healthy Relationship With Sex…
Can you remember how your relationship with sex started?
You might be thinking of your first time. As awkward and embarrassing as that experience may have been, I can almost guarantee you that wasn’t your introduction to sex. For a lot of us, the concept of sex may have been introduced during sex-education classes in school. For others, they may have learned about sex through the media/internet or the infamous birds and the bees talks with parents.
Depending on our cultures and upbringings, the topic of sex is often riddled with shame, negativity or downright shunning. I can remember being caught and punished as a young kid for touching myself, or learning from my parents that I was not allowed to have sex until I was married and ready to have children. Even sex-ed classes were very focused on the consequences of being sexually active!
As we grow older, we develop internalized fears and beliefs about sex which sets a negative tone for the relationship we have with it. Sex, then, becomes more of a tool than an experience worth intentionally curating. A tool for dissociating, people pleasing, avoiding responsibilities, inflicting/enduring trauma, etc. When sex is experienced in this way, it’s easy to associate it as a source of destruction and pain, which ultimately disconnects us from experiencing true pleasure.
When I became sexually active, I didn’t know what I wanted. I also didn’t know I could want anything. I just knew sex was important to make relationships work. After many trials and errors, I almost threw in the towel and declared myself a nun! Eventually, I was able to admit to myself that I wanted to feel good when having sex, not just worry about having or maintaining a romantic partner. I wanted a pleasurable and sensual relationship to sex, similar to the way I’d feel when I would please myself. It wasn’t long after declaring my desire that things started to shift in my sexual experiences.
To develop a more positive and healthy relationship with sex, it’s important to reframe beliefs about sex and pleasure. This starts with developing awareness of these beliefs and how they’ve been impacting your sex life. Here’s an action step for you: grab a sheet of paper an writing utensil, and form two columns. Write down all the beliefs you have about sex on one side and where each belief stemmed from on the other (parents, teachers, movies, social media, etc.) Understand that these beliefs are not your truths! It’s time to create new beliefs and switch up the narrative.
Are you’re ready to start building the pleasurable relationship you desire with sex? Well, let’s get to work! Send us an email at contact@theoralaffair.com or book a consultation call today.
